Man bits and electric trimmers..

Greg T

TailWindHome wrote:

Someone start a thread which will get people posting!

I am caught in the teeth of quandary..

I have an electric trimmer and use it to clear down my occasional beards prior to clean shaving or keeping my comedy sideburns to regulation length...

I have however recently been "observing" the lush growth of hair in my Chamois cream zone and rumble strip.

The question I pose to the hive mind is this, should a gentlemen decide to clean shave his undercarriage for aesthetic and hygiene reasons, where should the line be drawn?

Also, the risks associated with mechanical deforestation of man bits are obvious, can anyone give me any top tips to avoid another lengthy explanation to the A and E triage nurse and accompanying mental health worker.

clarkey cat

if you go down that route you'll have to go the whole hog and get bleached up or you'll have unsightly 'dark matter' around your nugget dropper. So I've heard.

Greg T

clarkey cat wrote:

if you go down that route you'll have to go the whole hog and get bleached up or you'll have unsightly 'dark matter' around your nugget dropper. So I've heard.

Domestos?

Shome Mishtake Shirley

cyclingprop

Veet for men. Must read reviews.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews ... ewpoints=1

Greg T

It would appear that "agent orange" type approaches should not be used. I can get behind this - It still remember with mixed feeling my first post chilli cutting transient Tokyo Rose style tallywhacker inflammation.

Someone once told me that alcohol and milk are the two agents that best combat chilli burn. I can tell you that half a bottle of Diamond white and litre of Cravendale's finest poured and massged into the afected area didn't put out the chemical waves of pain running over Big Greg. Also - I've been banned from that petrol station.

Greg T

Double Post.

cyclingprop

Greg T wrote:

It would appear that "agent orange" type approaches should not be used. I can get behind this - It still remember with mixed feeling my first post chilli cutting transient Tokyo Rose style tallywhacker inflammation.

Someone once told me that alcohol and milk are the two agents that best combat chilli burn. I can tell you that half a bottle of Diamond white and litre of Cravendale's finest poured and massged into the afected area didn't put out the chemical waves of pain running over Big Greg. Also - I've been banned from that petrol station.

Must. Not. Take. A. Big. Swig. Of. Coke. Before. Reading. Greg's. Post.

mudcow007

aye, trimmers are safe

just watch out for wrinkles on your fruit bowl

it stings an bleeds for ages

Kieran_Burns

I think a full defoliage is the ONLY approach

http://youtu.be/V0dsDJWoIA0?hd=1

remember - fish eye lens for the front, wide screen for the rear....

veronese68

I'm sure ITB will be along soon.
I, however, would advise agains deforestation. Having gone through my bald period experience tells me that the lack of hair leads to direct skin to skin contact and your wrinkled retainer can stick to your thigh.
Oh, and it's really prickly as it grows back.

Wheelspinner

Greg T wrote:

.... can anyone give me any top tips to avoid another lengthy explanation to the A and E triage nurse and accompanying mental health worker.

What was the first one all about?

rjsterry

Can't believe this has been posted when DDD is on enforced leave.

Corporate Camper

clarkey cat wrote:

if you go down that route you'll have to go the whole hog and get bleached up or you'll have unsightly 'dark matter' around your nugget dropper. So I've heard.

It's an easy fix. Simply swap your roll of Andrex for Flash flushable bathroom wipes and job's a good 'un.

Mr Sworld

rjsterry wrote:

Can't believe this has been posted when DDD is on enforced leave.

Me too.

Has DDD fraped Greg T's account?

Greg T

rjsterry wrote:

Can't believe this has been posted when DDD is on enforced leave.

Correlation and Causality . . . .

I'm considering the Turkish barber approach...

Apparently they use an alcohol based rub on your ears which they then set fire to to remove the errant hairs. They then apply a damp towel rapidly to your head to stop your ears melting.

So I'll get some overproof rum, blowtorch and swaddle of cotton wool - can't see what can go wrong.

veronese68

Greg T wrote:

rjsterry wrote:

Can't believe this has been posted when DDD is on enforced leave.

Correlation and Causality . . . .

I'm considering the Turkish barber approach...

Apparently they use an alcohol based rub on your ears which they then set fire to to remove the errant hairs. They then apply a damp towel rapidly to your head to stop your ears melting.

So I'll get some overproof rum, blowtorch and swaddle of cotton wool - can't see what can go wrong.

Don't see what could possibly go wrong. How about a bucket of cold water to sit in for dowsing? Might be an idea to check your aris fits first.

rick_chasey

Veronese68 wrote:

Greg T wrote:

rjsterry wrote:

Can't believe this has been posted when DDD is on enforced leave.

Correlation and Causality . . . .

I'm considering the Turkish barber approach...

Apparently they use an alcohol based rub on your ears which they then set fire to to remove the errant hairs. They then apply a damp towel rapidly to your head to stop your ears melting.

So I'll get some overproof rum, blowtorch and swaddle of cotton wool - can't see what can go wrong.

Don't see what could possibly go wrong. How about a bucket of cold water to sit in for dowsing? Might be an idea to check your aris fits first.

I think petrol would work more efficiently.

Wheelspinner

This method apparently works well too:

Greg T

Rick Chasey wrote:

I think petrol would work more efficiently.

Ever the pragmatist - however petrol over rum - you need to get your thinking head on..... Should the slash and burn attempt not go well I can always swig deeply from the bottle of Rum... A can of petrol would be of no help if, with my bag of prunes ablaze, I needed to quickly find some antiseptic / intoxicant.

As for the rehearsal of "bag in a bucket" - this would make sense... however we risk the thermal shock of my ablaze man eggs hitting cold water - they may retract so swiftly the internal bleeding may finish me off. I could only hope that the swelling caused by the burns would offset the reduction caused by cold water.....

rick_chasey

You clearly don't sniff enough petrol.

veronese68

Greg T wrote:

Rick Chasey wrote:

I think petrol would work more efficiently.

Ever the pragmatist - however petrol over rum - you need to get your thinking head on..... Should the slash and burn attempt not go well I can always swig deeply from the bottle of Rum... A can of petrol would be of no help if, with my bag of prunes ablaze, I needed to quickly find some antiseptic / intoxicant.

As for the rehearsal of "bag in a bucket" - this would make sense... however we risk the thermal shock of my ablaze man eggs hitting cold water - they may retract so swiftly the internal bleeding may finish me off. I could only hope that the swelling caused by the burns would offset the reduction caused by cold water.....

I was wondering if the sudden temperature change would cause the inflamed area to shrink sufficiently to create a partial vacuum sealing said bucket onto your hind quarters. Or, would it go the other way and the water turn to steam making a steam powered human cannonball(s)?

Greg T

Veronese68 wrote:

I was wondering if the sudden temperature change would cause the inflamed area to shrink sufficiently to create a partial vacuum sealing said bucket onto your hind quarters. Or, would it go the other way and the water turn to steam making a steam powered human cannonball(s)?

Hmmmm

Fiziks is a Killer....

So . .. On browsing certain interweb sites I have noticed several products (that I have an interest in) that employ the beneficial effects of a vacuum "down south". They are generally more targetted.

Could a wide area engorgement lead to long term benefits or would this be offset (or indeed enhanced) by having a bucket cut off your arse by a team of specialist rescue firemen?

Corporate Camper

Veronese68 wrote:

I was wondering if the sudden temperature change would cause the inflamed area to shrink sufficiently to create a partial vacuum sealing said bucket onto your hind quarters. Or, would it go the other way and the water turn to steam making a steam powered human cannonball(s)?

My first concern would be that the temperature change would "Quench Harden" my coin purse and I might shatter it like that liquid robot thing in Terminator 2 the next time I sat down quickly :shock:

rick_chasey

I remember a really annoying sniper on MoH AA online who was called corporate camper.

I would forget all other objectives and hunt him down for entire games. Even at the cost of my own lives from other enemy players. Just to make his camping life difficult.

Corporate Camper

Rick Chasey wrote:

I remember a really annoying sniper on MoH AA online who was called corporate camper.

I would forget all other objectives and hunt him down for entire games. Even at the cost of my own lives from other enemy players. Just to make his camping life difficult.

I'm a different one...

rick_chasey

Corporate Camper wrote:

Rick Chasey wrote:

I remember a really annoying sniper on MoH AA online who was called corporate camper.

I would forget all other objectives and hunt him down for entire games. Even at the cost of my own lives from other enemy players. Just to make his camping life difficult.

I'm a different one...

Hmmm...

That seems the kind of thing he'd say to throw me off the scent!

Not falling for it .

Greg T

It's a blood feud . . .

How did you make his camping life difficult?

Is this "video game" based on some sort of cotswolds campsite where you score points for erecting tents and making tea? I thought video games were all about violence and sex (must remember to get me a play station)

rick_chasey

Yes.

veronese68

Corporate Camper wrote:

Veronese68 wrote:

I was wondering if the sudden temperature change would cause the inflamed area to shrink sufficiently to create a partial vacuum sealing said bucket onto your hind quarters. Or, would it go the other way and the water turn to steam making a steam powered human cannonball(s)?

My first concern would be that the temperature change would "Quench Harden" my coin purse and I might shatter it like that liquid robot thing in Terminator 2 the next time I sat down quickly :shock:

No, no, no. It would anneal the meat and 2 veg making them lovely and soft. Got to get them red hot first though.

jds_1981

Greg T wrote:

rjsterry wrote:

Can't believe this has been posted when DDD is on enforced leave.

I'm considering the Turkish barber approach...

Apparently they use an alcohol based rub on your ears which they then set fire to to remove the errant hairs. They then apply a damp towel rapidly to your head to stop your ears melting.

I've been to a turkish barber in green lanes where they do this. Your take on the approach is slightly wrong though.

They have a ball of cotton wool on the end of a string that is lightly soaked in meths (maybe water as well?).
They set fire to it and thwack it against your ear to burn off any down. Immediately after thwacking they rub down your ear (presumably to make sure nothing is left burning on it). They repeat this thwack & rub motion until satisfied.

UndercoverElephant

jds_1981 wrote:

They repeat this thwack & rub motion until satisfied.

You sure it was your ears you were getting done? In fact, you sure he was a barber?