Letter to the Prime Minister

rowlers
rowlers Posts: 1,614
edited June 2011 in The Crudcatcher
Maybe posted before but I haven't seen it...

Dear Mr Cameron,

Please find below my suggestions for fixing the UK's economy.

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money
on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following
stipulations:

1) They MUST retire.
Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new British car.
Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -
Housing Crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university -
Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week .....
And there's your money back in duty/tax etc

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their
falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.

Also………..
Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.

They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment,
wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped
instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and
returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and
snacks to their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling,
pool and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on
request.

Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.


Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards
would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.
Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay
£600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.

Think about this (more points of contention):

COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow
epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost
three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of
Cumbria?

And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to
locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we
should give each of them a cow.

Comments

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Posts: 79,667
    Like all crackpot plans, there are a few grains of sense in there.
  • whyamihere
    whyamihere Posts: 7,714
    So you replace all older, experienced workers with new, utterly inexperienced staff, who are probably mostly untrained in order to make up the numbers?

    You ignore the fact that we're facing a huge pension deficit, and not only ask more people to take a pension, but give them more money to do so?

    Forcing them to buy a house wouldn't solve the housing crisis, it would reinflate the bubble. Young, first time buyers would have to take out 100% mortgages in order to afford even a small house, and guess what we get? Yep, another debt crisis leading to recession.

    Forcing them to buy British cars is called protectionism. It will severely harm the nation's economic relationships with other areas, especially the rest of the EU (French and German car makers, for example, have multiple large factories on our shores, which provide many jobs to British workers).

    Sending every child to university leads to a devaluation of degrees, and means that it's exactly the same as if nobody had gone to university, except that everyone's poorer. Also, children are already required to go to school.

    Finally, that number for illegal immigrants is a load of crap. How do I know? Because nobody knows how many illegal immigrants are here by definition. It's not as though we have a list of illegal immigrants, and the police are just too lazy to go and knock on the door. How, exactly, were you expecting them to be found?
  • sheepsteeth
    sheepsteeth Posts: 17,418
    whyamihere wrote:
    grumble grumble smart arsedness grumble grumble

    why not remove the stick from your pipehole then copy and paste the OP into an email like the rest of us and send it to the prime ministers.

    i dont see you coming up with any solutions!
  • montevideoguy
    montevideoguy Posts: 2,271
    whyamihere wrote:
    grumble grumble smart arsedness grumble grumble

    why not remove the stick from your pipehole then copy and paste the OP into an email like the rest of us and send it to the prime ministers.

    i dont see you coming up with any solutions!


    The original post is very Daily Mail though.

    How would you fix everything?
    Formally known as Coatbridgeguy
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Posts: 79,667
    How would you fix everything?
    DUH, Put me in charge.
    What are you, special needs or something?
  • montevideoguy
    montevideoguy Posts: 2,271
    Serious question though. What steps would you take to improve stuff?
    Formally known as Coatbridgeguy
  • sheepsteeth
    sheepsteeth Posts: 17,418
    Serious question though. What steps would you take to improve stuff?

    first off, if i wanted a serious debate about the suposed problems with this great nation of ours, i would put it in the hub but as this is here, lets all takes the obviouses out of our necessarys and stop being such webbos.
  • D-Cyph3r
    D-Cyph3r Posts: 847
    Serious question though
    :lol:
  • millymoose
    millymoose Posts: 117
    I thought it was a joke - obviously wrong!
  • rowlers
    rowlers Posts: 1,614
    Just to clarify, these are NOT my ideas!!! it was emailed to me today at work, it makes everything sound simple, if I'd meant it to be 100% serious, I'd have posted in the hub!

    Let the debate continue... :wink:
  • montevideoguy
    montevideoguy Posts: 2,271
    Serious question though. What steps would you take to improve stuff?

    first off, if i wanted a serious debate about the suposed problems with this great nation of ours, i would put it in the hub but as this is here, lets all takes the obviouses out of our necessarys and stop being such webbos.


    I'd never engage in anything in the Hub as I never visit it. The idea of one person fixing it all is farcical so perhaps is better suited here anyway.
    Formally known as Coatbridgeguy
  • Gazlar
    Gazlar Posts: 8,084
    We do as the IMF suggests, stick to our plan and tough it out, but be prepared to be a bit flexible. We have one of the poorer growths due to us having the worst defecit to deal with. At the moment we are getting our house in order but when it is we can start reinvesting money, but we need to get the countries credit card cleared first.
    Mountain biking is like sex.......more fun when someone else is getting hurt
    Amy
    Farnsworth
    Zapp
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Posts: 79,667
    The idea of one person fixing it all is farcical so perhaps is better suited here anyway.
    Pfft, you don't even know me. I'd sort everything out.
    Too many ways to sort it out to list though, but basically, they all come down to "MTFU"
  • D-Cyph3r
    D-Cyph3r Posts: 847
    edited June 2011
    they all come down to "MTFU"

    And "stop being dicks"
  • montevideoguy
    montevideoguy Posts: 2,271
    Is it just me or is this kid more inspirational than our prime minister (and the last few)?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaIvk1cS ... r_embedded
    Formally known as Coatbridgeguy
  • MarcBC
    MarcBC Posts: 333
    rowlers wrote:
    Just to clarify, these are NOT my ideas!!! it was emailed to me today at work, it makes everything sound simple, if I'd meant it to be 100% serious, I'd have posted in the hub!

    Let the debate continue... :wink:

    Most of this appeared several years ago. It was a joke. Sorry Rowlers, it appears some people are gullible enough to not realise. :roll:
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Posts: 79,667
    MarcBC wrote:
    It was a joke. Sorry Rowlers, it appears some people are gullible enough to not realise. :roll:
    Nope, it was you was retarded enough to think we DIDN'T realise it was a joke :roll:
  • montevideoguy
    montevideoguy Posts: 2,271
    MarcBC wrote:
    It was a joke. Sorry Rowlers, it appears some people are gullible enough to not realise. :roll:
    Nope, it was you was retarded enough to think we DIDN'T realise it was a joke :roll:


    +potato
    Formally known as Coatbridgeguy