anyone got any jokes? i'm bored
welshkev
Posts: 9,690
as above 
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Comments
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both of those made me chuckle 0
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Mick and Paddy had promised their Uncle Seamus, who had been a
seafaring gent all his life, to bury him at sea when he died.
Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the boys kept their
promise.
They set off with Uncle Seamus all stitched up in a burial bag and
loaded onto their rowboat.
After a while Mick says, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out, Paddy?'
Without a word Paddy slips over the side only to find himself standing
in water up to his knees.
'Dis'll never do, Mick. Let's row some more.'
After a bit more rowing Paddy slips over the side again but the water
is only up to his belly, so they row on.
Again Mick asks Paddy, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out Paddy?'
Once again Paddy slips over the side and almost immediately says, 'No
dis'll neva do.' The water was only up to his chest.
So on they row and row and row and finally Paddy slips over the side
and disappears.
Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Mick is really getting himself
into a state when suddenly Paddy breaks the surface gasping for breath.
'Well is it deep enuff yet, Paddy?'
'Aye'tis,
NOW hand me dat shovel.'0 -
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Emo KidI don't do smileys.
There is no secret ingredient - Kung Fu Panda
London Calling on Facebook
Parktools0 -
how many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb?
To get to the other side0 -
how many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb?
To get to the other side0 -
Confusious say man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day..
Confusious also says man with two holes not feel to cocky
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Thewaylander wrote:Confusious say man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day..
Confusious also says man with two holes not feel to cocky
Confucius say 'man with kn0b in biscuit tin - fúcking crackers!!!'2010 Lynskey R230
2013 Yeti SB660 -
West HamVisit Clacton during the School holidays - it's like a never ending freak show.
Who are you calling inbred?0 -
jrduquemin wrote:Thewaylander wrote:Confusious say man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day..
Confusious also says man with two holes not feel to cocky
Confucius say 'man with kn0b in biscuit tin - fúcking crackers!!!'
Confusious say, 'Man who walk sideways through door of brothel going to Bangkok'"I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]0 -
jrduquemin wrote:Thewaylander wrote:Confusious say man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day..
Confusious also says man with two holes not feel to cocky
Confucius say 'man with kn0b in biscuit tin - fúcking crackers!!!'
Thanks for the spelling help hehe
Confucius say woman who put's beans and pees in same pot not sanitary. 0 -
There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.
We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls, but do you know the difference between them?!
In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions.
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome. Both result in death.
Snot green Canyon Nerve AM 8.0x0 -
What do you call a man who takes the entire month of February to put a roof on your house?
A twenty eight day slater.On-One Whippet Singlespeed
Raleigh Airlite 400
On-One Fatty (for sale)0 -
What do you call a movie star with his backside encased in metal?
Nickel-ass CageOn-One Whippet Singlespeed
Raleigh Airlite 400
On-One Fatty (for sale)0 -
how does a blind parachutist know when he's near the ground?
His guide dog's lead goes slackWhether you're a king or a little street sweeper, sooner or later you'll dance with the reaper.
Cube Curve 2009
Giant Anthem X4
FCN=60 -
Went to a dodgy curry house last night and had a Pelican Curry.
Actually tasted ok but the bill was freaking enormous0 -
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-a-lot-a-puss.0 -
A guy's walking along the beach and sees a woman with no arms or legs.
He walks up to her...on his own, obviously she couldn't wave him over...and she says, "I've never been kissed. Can you kiss me?"
He says to himself, "What the hell?" and kisses her.
She says, "I've never been fingered, Could you please finger me?"
He obliges.
She says, "I've never been *ucked."
He picks her up, throws her in the water, and says, "You're *ucked now."0 -
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What do you call a prostitute with no arms and no legs
Open all Hours0 -
Whats the difference between a Danny Macaskill video and a row of prostitutes?
One is a cunning array of stunts......Ragley mmmBop
Yeti 5750 -
DCR00 wrote:What’s the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
why did i find this the funniest so far - i need to check my sanity!0 -
My girlfriend and I went out to a restaurant last night and some of the diners started shouting out 'Paedo' and 'Cradle snatcher' all because I'm a 54 year old man with a 21 year old girlfriend. It f*cking ruined our 10th anniversary."There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world, t'would be a pity to damage yours."0
