Pub Etiquette

CHRISNOIR

This here article got me thinking; what’s your best pub etiquette advice? Inspired by an incident last week at an otherwise great bar around the corner from where I work I’d proffer this -

- If it’s lunchtime and there’s only one bloke serving please don’t order a round of coffee lattes that will take ten minutes to prepare. This is a pub - order a beer or a chilled soft drink. If you fancy a coffee there are numerous lovely coffee houses nearby. This is 2009; no-one will think you a 'big poof' for preferring to go out for a coffee instead of a beer at lunch.

- And please note there is actually a queue - it’s not of the long, snakey, guided-by-ropes-bank-type-queue but it’s a definite queue. One can get a good measure of the man by whether he says ‘This guy was first’ in a bar crush.

Any other hints and tips?

nasahapley

From the weekend just gone:

If it's busy, and the poor staff are obviously struggling to keep the thirsty hordes at bay, don't ask for a detailed description of each of the six real ales on offer, just buy one of them. It'll taste beer-like, is unlikely to be completely offensive, and the worst that'll happen is you'll have wasted £2.50. And once you've bought it, go elsewhere so other people can get served in turn. Garrr.

fungus_the_muffin_man

I've forgot what its like to go into a pub its been that long!

jswba

First person into the pub buys the first round. This one always sorts the wheat out from the chaff.

edit: I mean when you enter as a group.... :oops:

deptfordmarmoset

Never use a card to pay unless you're in for the session and you're going to settle up at the end. People who attempt to pay for a half of lager and a slimline orange with lemon and ice with a card should be politely redirected to the nearest cash machine, thus leaving you, with your BoE drinking voucher already in hand, to move rapidly to the front of the queue.

_Brun_

If it looks like the person who got to the bar before you is about to order a round of lattes, bollocks to the 'queue'.

fungus_the_muffin_man

deptfordmarmoset wrote:

Never use a card to pay unless you're in for the session and you're going to settle up at the end. People who attempt to pay for a half of lager and a slimline orange with lemon and ice with a card should be politely redirected to the nearest cash machine, thus leaving you, with your BoE drinking voucher already in hand, to move rapidly to the front of the queue.

You get drinking vouchers from the Bank of England :shock:

Garry H

1. If it's a busy lunchtime, have the foresight to organise enough staff.

2. If you don't like serving lattes or any other coffee based drinks, then don't offer them for sale.

MrChuck

Garry H wrote:

If you don't like serving lattes or any other coffee based drinks, then don't offer them for sale.

While I take the OP's point and have a degree of sympathy, I can't help agreeing with this. There aren't many other places where you'd worry about inconveniencing somone by buying what they're selliing.

Mister W

Fungus The Muffin Man wrote:

deptfordmarmoset wrote:

Never use a card to pay unless you're in for the session and you're going to settle up at the end. People who attempt to pay for a half of lager and a slimline orange with lemon and ice with a card should be politely redirected to the nearest cash machine, thus leaving you, with your BoE drinking voucher already in hand, to move rapidly to the front of the queue.

You get drinking vouchers from the Bank of England :shock:

I used to work for the Bank of England and I can confirm that they provided me with many drinking vouchers.

symo

If you know the kitchen takes ages to get food ready, pre-order in advance by phone.
If a large group are attending try to get the price sorted so that you only have one bill to pay at the end.
Everyone should be addressed as "Mate"
Don't lean on the tiny girls at the bar, chances are they won't get served anyway.
On busy friday/saturday nights if someone is behaving stupidly, point him out to the door staff; who may not do anything immediately but can eject the real trouble maker later having noted his behaviour earlier.

GavH

If you find yourself in a rough, Loyalist pub in N Ireland and are accused of being an off-duty soldier, deny the accusation strenuously (esp if its a false accusation). If you are then accused of being a Provisional IRA spy, refer your new acquaintance back to his first suggestion and take it from there (even if you are a spy) - it may limit the time you are allowed to stay but it much increases your chance of survival.

Barteos

CHRISNOIR wrote:

Any other hints and tips?

Don't go to pubs.

jellybellywmb

When bar is really busy, move away once you have your drink so I dont have to talk through you and your mate.

KevinMcC

Never enter a pub that is a wetherspoons or of that ilk

Never make eye contact with older scary types, you run the risk of getting stabbed or worse- having them try to tell you their life story at the bar.

If there are lots of dressed neds (chavs in England?) hanging around outside smoking walk past.

Never let the woman buy, even if she is loaded and you need to sell your internal organs to fund the evening.

GiantMike

If I want a coffee, I'll order one.
If I want a complicated sandwich, I'll order one.
If I want to pay in any form of currency or credit/debit card the pub is prepared to take then I shall.
If you're behind me in the queue and you don't like it, tough. I'm British and I had to wait to get to the front of the queue so I'll have what the hell I like and pay for it how I like. If you don't like it then there are other pubs for you to frequent. Probably the shabby ones that frown at 'modern ways'.

If I get to the bar and somebody is already there, I'll let them go first.

pottssteve

Read, "Watching the English" by Kate Fox - an excellent section on pubs (the no queue queue, don't wave money etc.)

fungus_the_muffin_man

Mister W wrote:

Fungus The Muffin Man wrote:

deptfordmarmoset wrote:

Never use a card to pay unless you're in for the session and you're going to settle up at the end. People who attempt to pay for a half of lager and a slimline orange with lemon and ice with a card should be politely redirected to the nearest cash machine, thus leaving you, with your BoE drinking voucher already in hand, to move rapidly to the front of the queue.

You get drinking vouchers from the Bank of England :shock:

I used to work for the Bank of England and I can confirm that they provided me with many drinking vouchers.

THAT! is the best job IN THE WORLD!

fungus_the_muffin_man

GavH wrote:

If you find yourself in a rough, Loyalist pub in N Ireland and are accused of being an off-duty soldier, deny the accusation strenuously (esp if its a false accusation). If you are then accused of being a Provisional IRA spy, refer your new acquaintance back to his first suggestion and take it from there (even if you are a spy) - it may limit the time you are allowed to stay but it much increases your chance of survival.

I thought being an off duty squaddie would be a good thing in a loyalist pub? When I was stationed in Belfast we used to get lots of treats from the loyalist workers in the base. It was great.

BigJimmyB

KevinMcC wrote:

Never enter a pub that is a wetherspoons or of that ilk

Never make eye contact with older scary types, you run the risk of getting stabbed or worse- having them try to tell you their life story at the bar.

If there are lots of dressed neds (chavs in England?) hanging around outside smoking walk past.

Never let the woman buy, even if she is loaded and you need to sell your internal organs to fund the evening.

What's the Quo Vardis liek these days...

Was in there once - 20 years ago!

BigJimmyB

Fungus The Muffin Man wrote:

Mister W wrote:

Fungus The Muffin Man wrote:

deptfordmarmoset wrote:

Never use a card to pay unless you're in for the session and you're going to settle up at the end. People who attempt to pay for a half of lager and a slimline orange with lemon and ice with a card should be politely redirected to the nearest cash machine, thus leaving you, with your BoE drinking voucher already in hand, to move rapidly to the front of the queue.

You get drinking vouchers from the Bank of England :shock:

I used to work for the Bank of England and I can confirm that they provided me with many drinking vouchers.

THAT! is the best job IN THE WORLD!

Err, for Beer Vouchers - read MONEY.

:roll:

pneumatic

I DID used to get beer vouchers in my pay packet when I worked for Scottish & Newcastle.

They were green and the size of a large cheque and you could take them to the company shop and exchange them for a free case of 24 cans of anything they made or a bottle of spirits.

Wasn't enough to keep me working there, though.

As for pub etiquette, when I was a lad, I really resented those grumpy old bu88ers who sat around staring into their pints and always got served in front of everyone else on account of their being "regulars".

However, now that I am one them, I get the point.

Aggieboy

Fungus The Muffin Man wrote:

deptfordmarmoset wrote:

Never use a card to pay unless you're in for the session and you're going to settle up at the end. People who attempt to pay for a half of lager and a slimline orange with lemon and ice with a card should be politely redirected to the nearest cash machine, thus leaving you, with your BoE drinking voucher already in hand, to move rapidly to the front of the queue.

You get drinking vouchers from the Bank of England :shock:

I think this gets 'lost in translation' as you pass Watford.

fungus_the_muffin_man

Aggieboy wrote:

Fungus The Muffin Man wrote:

deptfordmarmoset wrote:

Never use a card to pay unless you're in for the session and you're going to settle up at the end. People who attempt to pay for a half of lager and a slimline orange with lemon and ice with a card should be politely redirected to the nearest cash machine, thus leaving you, with your BoE drinking voucher already in hand, to move rapidly to the front of the queue.

You get drinking vouchers from the Bank of England :shock:

I think this gets 'lost in translation' as you pass Watford.

Where is this Watford you speak of?It sounds very exotic

fungus_the_muffin_man

BigJimmyB wrote:

Fungus The Muffin Man wrote:

Mister W wrote:

Fungus The Muffin Man wrote:

deptfordmarmoset wrote:

Never use a card to pay unless you're in for the session and you're going to settle up at the end. People who attempt to pay for a half of lager and a slimline orange with lemon and ice with a card should be politely redirected to the nearest cash machine, thus leaving you, with your BoE drinking voucher already in hand, to move rapidly to the front of the queue.

You get drinking vouchers from the Bank of England :shock:

I used to work for the Bank of England and I can confirm that they provided me with many drinking vouchers.

THAT! is the best job IN THE WORLD!

Err, for Beer Vouchers - read MONEY.

:roll:

:oops:

TheTalkingTurboTrainer

GiantMike wrote:

If I want a coffee, I'll order one.
If I want a complicated sandwich, I'll order one.
If I want to pay in any form of currency or credit/debit card the pub is prepared to take then I shall.
If you're behind me in the queue and you don't like it, tough. I'm British and I had to wait to get to the front of the queue so I'll have what the hell I like and pay for it how I like. If you don't like it then there are other pubs for you to frequent. Probably the shabby ones that frown at 'modern ways'.

If I get to the bar and somebody is already there, I'll let them go first.

OMG I can't stop laughing! Mate do you sit around with friends talking about the days gone by and how great the Empire used to be? I particularly like the "I am British" part just in case the whinging didn't prove that already

Hmmm ... spose I should run for cover now before you all take swipes at me! 8)

nasahapley

TheTalkingTurboTrainer wrote:

GiantMike wrote:

If I want a coffee, I'll order one.
If I want a complicated sandwich, I'll order one.
If I want to pay in any form of currency or credit/debit card the pub is prepared to take then I shall.
If you're behind me in the queue and you don't like it, tough. I'm British and I had to wait to get to the front of the queue so I'll have what the hell I like and pay for it how I like. If you don't like it then there are other pubs for you to frequent. Probably the shabby ones that frown at 'modern ways'.

If I get to the bar and somebody is already there, I'll let them go first.

OMG I can't stop laughing! Mate do you sit around with friends talking about the days gone by and how great the Empire used to be? I particularly like the "I am British" part just in case the whinging didn't prove that already

Hmmm ... spose I should run for cover now before you all take swipes at me! 8)

I'm not having that from a bladdy antipodean - the boozers over there all have straw on the floor and the grog served through a hose!

Only joking, I though that post was funny too, a good example of the no-nonsense righteous anger that is so lacking in the milquetoast liberal lefties of today. An Englishman can take a lot, but mess with his enjoyment of a drinking establishment and you better be prepared to kiss your ar5e goodbye!

GiantMike

TheTalkingTurboTrainer wrote:

GiantMike wrote:

If I want a coffee, I'll order one.
If I want a complicated sandwich, I'll order one.
If I want to pay in any form of currency or credit/debit card the pub is prepared to take then I shall.
If you're behind me in the queue and you don't like it, tough. I'm British and I had to wait to get to the front of the queue so I'll have what the hell I like and pay for it how I like. If you don't like it then there are other pubs for you to frequent. Probably the shabby ones that frown at 'modern ways'.

If I get to the bar and somebody is already there, I'll let them go first.

OMG I can't stop laughing! Mate do you sit around with friends talking about the days gone by and how great the Empire used to be? I particularly like the "I am British" part just in case the whinging didn't prove that already

I think you're mistaking my defence of the British traditions and values of queueing as whinging. Quite the contrary. If you're in front of me in the queue then you own the place. If I'm at the front of the queue then I own the place. There is no need for debate as long as everybody understands the basics.

It's these jumped-up-Jonnies trying to change the 'carved-in-stone' queueing decorum I object to. There's a system; use it or stand by to be tutted at by those who do.

TheTalkingTurboTrainer wrote:

Hmmm ... spose I should run for cover now before you all take swipes at me! 8)

Not at all old boy. Occasionally need to put the Kiwis back in their place, but you're not all bad.

Frank the tank

I always find a please and a thank you goes a long way.

My daughter works part time as a barmaid to fund her uni lifestyle and she find it most offensive when people are ignorant and let's them know so. One bloke's prefered method of ordering is to bellow CARLING and expects to get served straight away. She had to put him right.

On another notbut similar to pub etiquette I had a mate when I was younger and we called him FOTLIP.

F irst
O ut
T axi
L ast
I n
P ub.

Tight as a ducks @rse he was.

crown_jewel

Gator arms, we called that. Too short to reach the wallet.

ravey1981

one from my barman days while studying...

If you are going to wave money at me...well don't obviously....but definitly don't fold it up lengthwise and point at me with it...It is a right ball-ache unfolding it again to get it in the till....