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Blatently Copied from elsewhere

FlasheartFlasheart Posts: 1,278
edited October 2009 in Commuting chat
Two big strapping pieces of tarmac, ones from a motorway and the others from a by pass. They walk up to the bar,
"2 pints of bitter please landlord...........each"
"Alright lads will be with you in a sec just need to collect the glasses".
Off the landlord trots while he’s doing that the pub door opens and in comes a tiny little piece of red tarmac, and he walks up to the bar.
"Glass of lemonade please landlord". He says in a squeaky voice.
"Sorry mate serving these lads a sec" gesturing to the two great big pieces of tarmac.
"Oh no serve him first says" one of the big pieces of tarmac,
"Are you sure?" replies the landlord,
"Yer sure "says the other pieces of tarmac.
So the landlord goes over to the little piece of red tarmac, "will that be a pint of lemonade or a half ? "he asks.
"Just a half please" replies the little piece of red tarmac in a high pitch voice.
"Thank-you", he says and drinks the lemonade and leave the pub.
The landlord goes over to the two big pieces of tarmac and says.
"What was that all about lads? you 2 great big pieces of tarmac and you let that little fella push in"
"Oh you can’t know says the one piece of tarmac in a worried voice, he’s a cyclepath."

Only cycle joke I know ...I'll get my coat
The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle. ...Stapp’s Ironical Paradox Law


  • Tonight on my way up Maryhill Road, a ZX Spectum overtook me, quickly followed by a Commodore 64, which caught up on the Spectrum, they were neck and neck up to the traffic light....... no hang on, that was Silly Computer Racing - wrong thead!!

    Got my coat on - goodnight!!
    "Encyclopaedia is a fetish for very small bicycles"
  • Two nuns cycling home along a cobbled path

    one turns to the other and says 'I've not come this way before'

    I'll just go, send my coat on.
  • prb007prb007 Posts: 703
    2 dyslexic cyclists on a cycling holiday in the Alps.
    One says to the other; “We’ll ride up to the top of Alpe d’Huez,
    then zag-zig back down again!”
    His mate says, “zag-zig? zag-zig? Don’t you mean zig-zag?”
    ”Dunno”, the first guy replies – “lets ask that guy over there
    in the snow, with a sledge”
    So, they ride over to the guy with a sledge and ask him;
    “Excuse us, mate, is it zig-zag or zag-zig, when you go back and forth?”
    ‘I don’t know’ replies the guy, I’m only a tobogganist’…….
    “Great, say the cyclists, we’ll have twenty Gauloises and a box of matches, please!”

    I wasn't wearing a coat, just a gilet.......get that for me!
    If Wales was flattened out, it'd be bigger than England!
    Planet X Ti Sportive for Sportives & tours
    Orange Alpine 160 for Afan,Alps & dodging trees
    Singlespeed Planet X Kaffenback for dodging potholes
    An On-One Inbred for hard-tail shenanigans...
  • sem69sem69 Posts: 106
    A bloke chats up a girl in a pub and at the end of the night she invites him back to her house. She says "You can come back for a coffee but I'm on my menstrual cycle". He says "That's ok I'll follow on my moped".

    I'll get my arm warmers.
  • inceince Posts: 289
    A math student who used to come to the university on foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle.
    "Where did you get the bike from?" his friends want to know.
    "Its a `thank you present", he explains, "from that freshman girl Ive been tutoring. But the story is kind of weird..."
    "Tell us!"
    "Well", he starts, "yesterday she called me on the phone and told me that she had passed her math final and that she wanted to drop by to thank me in person. As usual, she arrived at my place riding her bicycle. But when I had let her in, she suddenly took all her clothes off, lay down on my bed, smiled at me, and said:
    `You can get from me whatever you desire!"
    One of his friends remarks: "You made a really smart choice when you took the bicycle."
    "Yeah", another friend adds, "just imagine how silly you would have looked in a girls clothes - and they wouldnt have fit you anyway!"
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