The difference between cats and dogs:

nicklouse

The difference between cats and dogs:

“Excerpts From The Dog’s Daily Diary”

8:00 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!

9:40 am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!

10:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!

11:30 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!

Noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!

1:00 pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!

4:00 pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!

5:00 pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!

5:30 pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!

6:00 pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!

6:30 pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master’s bed! My favorite!

“Excerpts From The Cat’s Daily Diary”

Day 283 Of My Captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,
while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing
that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the
mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional
piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another
house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving
around their feet while they were walking almost
succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In
an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile
oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit
on their favorite chair; must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless
body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am
capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts.
They only cooed and condescended about what a good
little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices.
I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However,
I could hear the noise and smell the food. More
importantly I overheard that my confinement
was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what
this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and
maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and
seems more than happy to return. He is obviously
a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be
an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am
certain he reports my every move. Due to his current
placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time. ...

bomberesque

where did you get my cat's diary

v. good

Joe_Pineapples

Cats are vermin and should be exterminated on sight with extreme prejudice.





Did I tell you I'm allergic to cats?

jay12

Joe_Pineapples wrote:

Cats are vermin and should be exterminated on sight with extreme prejudice.





Did I tell you I'm allergic to cats?

did i tell you they use my garden as a bathroom everyday and my dad has to clean it. i have my fishing catapult ready with stones :twisted: (no joke)

MacAndCheese

Great Post nick, a good friend always told me that The difference between cats and dogs is simple:

"if you give a dog food it thinks you're god, if you give a cat food it thinks it's god"

supertwisted

The difference between cats and dogs is the length of time it will take them to eat you if you die.

I'm pretty sure our cats wouldn't even wait 'til I was cold.

MarkEo

Dogs have masters whilst cats have servants

colt

Our dog, read that as her dog, chewed up my endura clickfast shorts the other day, so I'm owed another pair, looks like I may as well buy the shorts and liner combined as I aint paying for em! Any recommendations?

Mr Wu

I find the difference between cats n dogs is but a mere fraction, fraction that is of speed, my two ten month old whippets are a small fraction from catching next doors fuking pudsy In order to rip it's head from it's pathetic Ginger body.

Is it wrong that I take my camera on every dog walk just incase? :-)

Joe_Pineapples

colt wrote:

Our dog, read that as her dog, chewed up my endura clickfast shorts the other day, so I'm owed another pair, looks like I may as well buy the shorts and liner combined as I aint paying for em! Any recommendations?

Endura Burners, they are the dogs bollocks, if you'll pardon the pun.

Lapierre t 400

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?


1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?


2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.


3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!


4. Rottweiler: Make me.


5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.


6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!


7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.


8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.


9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!


10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.


11. Chihuahua : Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or 'We don't need no stinking light bulb.'


12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?


13. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...


14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.



How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?

Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:


'How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?'

ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!

Anonymous

this is a well funny, if not a long read.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/I-am-Cat-Tuttle ... 080483265X

It is reputed that, in the world famous pavlov's dog experiment a cat came into the room and simply put it's paw on the bell to stop it ringing.

myopic

jay12 wrote:

i have my fishing catapult ready

Eh? What's a fishing catapult? - surely there are easier ways to catch fish?!!

Th3 Firestarter

Whats with all the cat hating? I've got 2 cats and love em to bits. They don't give me any bother, they hassle my missus for food 1st thing in the morning . The only down sides are digging the crap out of the flower beds, the muddy paw prints on the floor when it's been raining, and they always steal your seat as soon as you stand up.
Unlike dogs, cats don't eat clothes and shoes, don't crap in the middle of trails so u end up with sh1t on your tyres (like happened to my missus on her ride to work this morning), they don't need walking in the p1ssing rain or letting out in the middle of the night, they wash themselves thoroughly, they don't beg when you're eating your dinner, and they don't take up half as much space.

MarkEo

AND THEY'RE PLOTTING TO KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cats are evil, they sit and watch me when im having a fag outside on my door stop and i can feel them plotting evil things, evil, evil things!

Porgy

Th3 Firestarter wrote:

Whats with all the cat hating? I've got 2 cats and love em to bits. They don't give me any bother, they hassle my missus for food 1st thing in the morning . The only down sides are digging the crap out of the flower beds, the muddy paw prints on the floor when it's been raining, and they always steal your seat as soon as you stand up.
Unlike dogs, cats don't eat clothes and shoes, don't crap in the middle of trails so u end up with sh1t on your tyres (like happened to my missus on her ride to work this morning), they don't need walking in the p1ssing rain or letting out in the middle of the night, they wash themselves thoroughly, they don't beg when you're eating your dinner, and they don't take up half as much space.

Did you know that cats are really in charge?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/8147566.stm 8)

Dogs are just stupid!