What's your favourite put down?

ansbaradigeidfran

I haven't been on the bike long enough for any witty retorts, but when I'm in the car, I generally give mad overtakers a 'royal wave' as they speed off into the distance. I don't want to do it on my bike, though: someone will think I'm trying to indicate or something.

Actually I could list some Welsh swear words here, they wouldn't get caught by the thought-police filter!

chuckcork

Having stopped for a driver who has ignored me at an mini-roundabout and came close to taking me out, I had to point to my eyes and mouth the word 'LOOK'.

I've also made the sweeping gesture while bowing letting the swime go through on their royal progress when i've been ignored and cut up, but I don't think it counts if the tossers concerned don't notice.

My favourite (mental prepared) one is in response to the time worn argument of cyclists don't pay tax, if given by some tosser whose just cut you up, would be 'I bet you haven't paid the f*ckwit tax either but you're still being one'.

Haven't had a chance to use that one yet fortunately....

Mista Kreg

This one is stored and ready to be deployed at the next person drawing alongside giving it some: (Best if done in patronising Englishman-talking-to-a-foreigner voice)

'I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU...I don't speak d!ckhead...'

desweller

Not strictly cycling, but

'Why am I so fat? Cos every time I shag your mother she throws me a biscuit.'

prj45

Learn to drive.

riklydon

If they look like they have a brain..............cunny funt arent'ya!!.................even for those with a head that works you'll be long lomg by the time they've deciphered it.

For white van freak and boy racers..... McDonalds worker!........... will suffice, if your'e stationary ( or have good balance ) make an 'M' with your fingers and flip it up to produce a 'w' as you say it. That should annoy them.

riklydon

long lomg???????? Those who live in glass houses eh. Long gone!

feersumendjinn

"One more brain cell & you'd be a plant"

"Wow! thanks for showing me it is possible to drive with your eyes shut.."

And mostly to the tourist element "On holiday eh? Shame you packed everything but your brain"

BUICK

'Tube' works well for me - the implication speaks for itself I think.

In a fit of pique at a driver I once shouted out 'YOU F*%"KING CODPIECE!' - It was as unexpected by me as by anyone else within earshot... where do these things come from?

Mithras

That's 3 points and £60, 3 copies, press hard when you sign sir!

Or a recent conversation whislt on my bike.

Young Person: "Nice helmet officer"
Me "Yes, I get paid £35k a year to wear it"
YP "Mutter,mutter"

cjw

Mithras wrote:

That's 3 points and £60, 3 copies, press hard when you sign sir!

Best one yet

Is it just me, but many times when you see some idiot on the motorway (or elsewhere) risking his and everyone elses life by driving like a moron, I wish I had blues and twos :twisted:

toshmund

"Sort your life out, you pondlife!" Pondlife was a bit of an insult in the army - the lowest lifeform, the one cell Amoeba, etc etc.

salsarider79

Pondlife is comliment to some of the scum on the roads....

BoardinBob

I discovered a particularly effective put-down last night.

Cycling along at a fair pelt on a quiet road with no cars anywhere and I could see a guy on the pavement on the right hand side of the road heading in the same direction as me. Halfords special, no lights, non-cycling clothes so it was just a guy cycling along rather than a commuter.

As I predicted he bounced off the pavement, and swerved over to my side of the road. I moved out to overtake him and maybe 100 feet ahead there were a group of neds (chavs for our English readers) crossing the road and one of them saw me coming and decided to stop in the middle of the road.

I overtook the other cyclist and moved back over to the left and as I was just about to pass the ned, he shouted and pretended to jump out and attack me. I didn't bother stopping but simply replied:

"Fanny"

as I passed by.

The effect was instantaneous. As I cycled off he was screaming a tirade of threats and abuse and going absolutely mental.

Comedy gold.

Surf-Matt

I usually just use my favourite "wa**er" hand signal.

Some chavs in a car slammed on their brakes recently when I did it. As soon as they realised I was heading straight for them (apparently, despite being a mere 5'8" and 12ish stone I look "scary") they bricked it and burnt off again. Kept me grinning all day

gtvlusso

Blow a kiss and wiggle my ass as I go past....mostly

Known to ask "Where is the nearest pie shop?" when violated.

hondafanatic

gtvlusso wrote:

Blow a kiss and wiggle my ass as I go past....mostly

Known to ask "Where is the nearest pie shop?" when violated.

Is the violation a direct result of the ass wiggling? :shock: